so what is normal?

Affection and love go hand and hand. When you love someone, you hug them; when you are attracted to someone, you kiss them. Families often are expected to be affectionate, passionate, and caring towards one another. The picture perfect little family is one where its members share both physical and emotional affections. I think that we think the more people hug, the more people are close and the more they love each other. We signify touch with trust.

In Manning's relationship with his father, we see love expressed in an unusual and uncertain way. Manning's father isn't one to "[write] me cards and letters when I was away from home," but instead was one to show his love from a distance. His mother was more emotionally affectionate than his father was. His father wasn't lovey dovey, emotional or sappy. People put too much trust in the Focus on The Family family model. I know that when I was homeschooled, my parents put much effort into being that physically and emotionally affectionate family, but as public school approached we gave up as reality set in. We love each other, but we give each other our distance. Perhaps this is due to age, or perhaps it is because my mother decided our family isn't perfect and left us in peace.

It is often frowned upon when people hear that my parents haven't slept together in 10 years. They love each other, and care for each other, they just decide to express it their own way. I think that was the point of "Arm Wrestling with My Father" is that love can be expressed in a myriad of ways. We need to open our eyes to a new type of normal.

When I googled "The Perfect Family" the results were surprisingly uniform. Every picture had a father, a mother, and children... all embracing and smiling. I've asked my mother what she wants for me in my future, and she most frequently says "you know, I want you to be happy, have a nice family, good husband," I don't understand how we attribute happiness with a specific type of family. Chasing this impossible model will only lead to dissatisfaction.